What's the difference between a duck?

I feel like I won something

Sat, 20 Oct 2007 11:18:24 GMT

There's a piece of HP trivia going around. I'm glad. Of course, it's not the "hey, we can have a successful long-term relationship" breakthrough I'm still waiting for ~~because of what the Fried Green Tomatoes movie did to the characters~~, but heck, this is a lot better than I'd hoped for.

I'm being vague because I didn't bother to crib the link from anyone and would rather you guys hear it from cited sources than a crazy little saleswench.

And ha, I can always justify the above by pointing out that JKR doesn't really write very good romance anyway!

Some things about fandom I need to get off my [flat] chest

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 20:43:03 GMT

I wish people could have rational discussions about fandom without taking it personally when someone disagrees with their ideas.

I wish it went like this:
Person 1: Speaks idea and justifies theory with incidents and trivia from canon
Person 2: Speaks contrasting idea and justifies THAT theory with different incidents and trivia from canon
Person 1: Continues to support their idea by providing more "evidence" from canon and possibly the real world
Person 2: [etc].
...with mixing in from other people, etc.

Instead, what happens is that people can't bear to hear ideas supported that disagree with their own. They take it as a personal *insult* that someone would have the nerve to actually *support* a dissenting idea with evidence. (It's apparently bad enough to disagree with people, but to actually try and justify your idea is unforgivable.)

OR, there's the bizarre viewpoint that since all fanfic deviates from canon in that it's (by definition) not canon, that means we can't use canon as a jumping-off place and a limiting factor. In other words, if you point out that someone's out of character in a story or that a particular incident is contradicted by canon, the reply is just that "all fanfic deviates from canon." That's not exactly how it works. Fanfic, for the most part and unless it's AU, is extrapolated from canon, not deviated. (I hope that made sense.)

Saying that we might as well ban all fanfic for being out of canon because someone pointed out that a story was unreasonable or out of character leaves us with no room for critical discussion of the text.

shatfat and I have a tremendous amount of respect for each other, yet we disagree about canon sometimes. It makes for great discussion!

Farfierant: You Are Not Smarter Than Agatha Christie

Sat, 22 Sep 2007 13:21:08 GMT

(I can't believe Bashir from DS9 played someone in this!!!)

What follows contains a huge number of spoilers for the Christie book Cards on the Table. The spoilers are necessary because I want to rant about the movie version which changed every single fucking denoument except for the vaguest stuff. I'm sorry, but if you start changing the "answers" in a Christie story you are going to lose her genius. Her beginnings lead to her answers, not to yours. If you want to write a mystery where C and D happen at the end instead of A and B, write your own mystery and don't use hers.

The plot is that a theatrical sicko invites four detectives (one private--Poirot--one police, one army, and one amateur sleuth) and four people he knows have gotten away with murder in the past to dinner. The idea is that he wants to see them get caught--if they can be caught. Like I said, a sicko. Well, predictably, after he goads them with vague conversation referencing each of their crimes in a general way, one of them takes the bull by the horns and kills him.

The four murderers are:

-Miss Meredith, who stole stuff from her employer and poisoned her to avoid getting in trouble about it
-Mrs. Lorrimer, who had killed a husband waaaay in the past
-Major Despard, who actually is not a murderer, but the sicko/victim had listened to the wrong rumors this time
-Dr. Roberts, who killed a patient called Dorothy to avoid the fact of their affair getting out.

The one who actually killed the victim of the book was Roberts. During the course of the real novel, he kills Mrs. Lorrimer and tries to make it look like a suicide intended to protect Miss Meredith (since it turns out they are mother and daughter)--thus making it first look like it was the mother who did it, then looking like it was the daughter, and not looking like it was the doctor at all.

No actual murderer goes unpunished in the novel. Lorrimer dies at Roberts' hands. Meredith dies when she tries to push her housemate (who knows everything) overboard in a canoe and they both go into the water. Major Despard, who had been courting them both sort of, rescues the housemate instead of Meredith becuase that's where his feelings truly lay, thus leaving Meredith punished by her own actions.

Roberts goes off to prison, probably to be hung or something. Or maybe in the novel he takes poison. I can't remember. Well, anyway.

In the movie, first of all:

-Mrs. Lorrimer goes unpunished, 100%
-Meredith was innocent all along and it was the housemate who had poisoned the employer (to avoid Meredith getting in trouble) and then tried to kill her to avoid either being found out or losing her to Despard? Or losing Despard to her? I can't follow it at all. I can't even figure out what they were implying.

OK, and are you ready for this??
Dr. Roberts was gay and shagging Dorothy's husband, and that's why she had to die. And then they replaced good old Superintendant Japp or Battle or whoever was the recurring character representing the police with some unknown named Wheeler, who turns out to be gay also. The purpose of that seems to be to 1. add the red herring that is not in the novel of "what if one of the detectives did it, and not one of the murderers?" and 2. make a distinction between Fags Who Kill and Fags Who Don't. "OK, we know that you're not all like that! Hee hee."

I really didn't need to hear Poirot's choice words on the subject. I know he's le bon catholique, but still. Moo.

Folks, I understand that maybe you're trying to make us feel welcome in this world, and I appreciate it since I've been the one begging for it for years. But you did it right in the other movie, the one where one of the red herring suspects was gay. Because it didn't change the solution to the mystery at all!!!! Dude. Don't. Change. Aggie's. Solutions.

I really love the Dave Ramsey show, but

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 00:51:33 GMT

...I hate his menagerie of commercials.

No, I do not think the ATM Machine has an endless supply of cash. Could you mean the Automatic Teller Machine Machine, possibly?

Moo.

Side by Side #23: Presenting nine new Kirk/Spock stories

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 23:53:27 GMT

Farfalla and Kardasi.com Present:

Side by Side #23
a FREE online K/S e-zine!

Nine new stories all about Kirk and Spock's life and love, their adventures and introspective moments, their existential angst and passionate sex, with the usual measure of Klingon devilry and toadying ensigns.

Some stories are entirely new, just hatched from the egg of your fellow fans' brains, while some were previously printed in printzines and have been brought here to the internet for the first time.

Travel with them to such familiar settings as San Francisco, the planet Vulcan, the Enterprise itself, and of course, Altair VI.

We hope you enjoy the show! Feedback can be emailed to the authors or left on the SBS mailing list.

Also: ladykardasi is a bit dormant in fandom at the moment and has asked that if anyone wants to donate money towards the continuing life of the kardasi.com domain, please contact me *privately*. We can't use paypal directly because of paypal's rules, but ladykardasi and I worked something out with the slashcity host where donations can be paid to the host directly.

Please pass this message along to any yahoo groups or LJ communities you think would like to come and play.

Thanks!

Gift

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 21:42:40 GMT

I mention this all the time and probably always on the anniversary of the towers falling down, but anyway: the Thanksgiving after it happened, I was surfing AOL profiles looking for people who had listed one of the top floors of one of the towers as their workplace under 'Occupation' so I could mourn individual people, thus giving them the memorial they deserved, instead of the mass faceless thing. I found one whose 'personal quote' was "Live each day as if it were your last." Considering that person most likely had the kind of surprise death that quote is tacitly referring to, it made a big impact on me. I plan for the future and live responsibly, but I try to incorporate that message into my life as well.

We're having a new year soon. For all those who want it, L'shanah tovah, and if you don't, well, happy new year anyway. Apples and honey and all that jazz.

Side by Side this weekend, hopefully. There are LOTS of great stories! jennasts, catalenamara, shatfat, and others are included. And myself :P

Work is starting to be awesome again as I ease into my new (read: psychotically high-pressure) responsibilities, but it is getting REALLY annoying how hot it is outside. Time for fall, yo.

Some socks that did work out :P

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 16:59:29 GMT

I posted pics of a lot of my recent projects to knitting - you can see pics of socks I made myself, socks I made for friends, and tank tops for myself among other things. If you're not a member of knitting you'll have to comment on this post, not the linked one, because they have non-friended commenting turned off.

The mealworm socks are in the batch, by the way, if you've been curious about those! Also, fans of K/S may notice certain familiar framed images in the backgrounds. *wink*

The square toes blues

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 16:17:08 GMT

I finished a moss-green cabled sock last night that would have been gorgeous except that instead of using the toe-shaping I'd calculated for those dark green socks I made last June, I used the toe-shaping from those pink Umbridgey socks I made for myself. It made sense in my head because the moss-green socks were the same pattern as the pink socks, only bigger, but since they were the same # of stitches as the dark green socks I really should have shaped them like THOSE instead of like the pink ones. Grrrrrr. So the toe is square.

My purpose in posting about this is that I am officially declaring that I am going to IGNORE it and knit the other sock, with the correct shaping, and then, with a completed happy sock in front of me, try and figure out how to take out the toe of the first sock (mind you, this is with ends woven in and everything) and frog back two inches. Then I'll re-knit it with the proper decreasing.

I may need help with this. I don't have a lifeline, for one thing. But I'm not going to deal with it for a month or so because not only do I need to knit the other sock first, I want to work on other things, too. (Like the orange sweater: see below.)

New K/S story also featuring Donfield, Denny Crane, & other Shatner favorites

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 00:51:18 GMT

What a wealth of squishy yet manly beauty! Whatever will Spock do?

Oh, let's find out. Not that he's not even more predictable than Farfalla herself.

The story is called "The Only Choice", and it's NAUGHTY and PR0NNISH and all that. You can read it if you follow Spock on his journey below! ^_^

Beta-read by shatfat and catalenamara.

Spock sat down at the computer console in his quarters and fell straight through the chair.

Like Alice on her way down to Wonderland, he tumbled down and down through an unknown void. He was intelligent enough not to grab at the sides of whatever tunnel he might be falling through--he was already moving fast enough to cause severe injury to his hands. Instead, he crouched, and held his limbs in such a position that they would sustain minimal injury once he hit the bottom of... whatever it was.

Surprisingly, however, his velocity slowed rather than increased as he moved further downward, and by the time he landed, it did not cause him more than minor discomfort. He decided that only by conscious will could such a vital law of physics as gravity be disrupted, and wondered which of the universe's powerful energy beings he was about to encounter.

"Mr. Spock! So glad to see you've arrived safely. Your journey was not too distressing, I hope?"

Spock picked himself up off the ground, which proved to be the plushest carpet with which he had ever made contact, and stood to face the Squire of Gothos. "General Trelane," he said, clasping his hands behind his back. "I take it you are responsible for my departure from the Enterprise."

Trelane's face broke into an enormous smile that crinkled 'round the edges. "None other, Mr. Spock! You're just as sharp as I remembered."

Spock looked at him with weary impatience. "Why have you taken me from my ship?"

"Because I'm a fair man, Mr. Spock. I play by the rules." Trelane began to leave the small, nondescript chamber, and beckoned for Spock to follow. "I've learned my lesson and wouldn't want to be so cruel as to leave you with nothing."

Spock eyed him suspiciously, keeping a safe distance as he followed him out of the room.

They emerged into a lush Classical garden. Columns of startling white alternated with practically nude statues in decoration of the botanical scenery. The ratio of statuary to greenery was so high as to border on the tasteless, Spock observed.

"Just behind this hedge, if you will, please," Trelane invited with his customary air of exaggerated gallantry. He rounded a corner and Spock hurried after.

"Your garden is--" Spock began, but then stopped, unable to speak at the mind-boggling sight that greeted his attention.

Lounging around a large marble fountain with a statue of a nude Apollo at its center were four... five.... seven facsimiles of Captain James T. Kirk. Only they were clearly, somehow, not Kirk at all. Several were older than the Kirk that Spock had just left behind on the ship, at least two by many decades. Others seemed to be the same age, but were vastly different in deportment and dress.

"What do you think, Spock?" Trelane was beaming. "Have you ever seen such a collection of beauty in one place?"

"One James Kirk is all I require," said Spock through clenched teeth. He didn't see his own Jim among the collection, and he was starting to form a hypothesis about what the Squire was up to. "I do not see the captain of the Enterprise among these men."

"Oh, but he's not!" Trelane exclaimed. "These are his replacements."

"Replacements? Who are they?"

"They are all from alternative, as you would say, dimensions. They exist in other planes, other timelines." Trelane strolled among the Kirks as if they were prized bushes in an exquisitely-managed rose garden.

"And the captain?"

"I've taken him back, Spock. I'm old enough to have my own way now, and my parents can't do anything about it." Trelane turned to face Spock and stomped his foot upon the ground. "I've never even seen a specimen as perfect as he is, and no one as powerful as I am should have to be disappointed."

"Disappointment is a natural part of mortal existence," said Spock.

"I'm glad to see you're taking yours so well," said Trelane, misunderstanding. "So which of them do you like best? Oh, of course, you must spend some time with them first. You Vulcans put so much faith in compatibility of minds. You must get to know them before you choose your replacement mate."

Spock knew that fighting Trelane in almost any way was futile. Although he masqueraded as a human army commander of the seventeenth century, he was, in reality, composed entirely of energy and could control both energy and matter at will. The only way to defeat him would be to outwit him, to catch him off guard, so Spock remained calm and feigned acquiescence. There could be no logical alternative, at this juncture.

But he was not leaving this place without Jim Kirk at his side.

"Where is Jim?" he asked, trying to seem as casual as possible.

"I've taken him to my boudoir," said Trelane with an oily voice.

Spock doubted Trelane had any idea what he was going to do with him there, since his entire knowledge of the Human experience came from extreme voyeurism, but he knew that Jim would find Trelane's attempts extremely tiresome. He resolved to put his plan into action as quickly as possible.

If there was a way to conduct it without disturbing another's life path beyond his will, of course...

"I would like to interview the... candidates," Spock told Trelane. "Would you give us some privacy, please?"

"Certainly, Mr. Spock. How very gallant of you, to cede defeat so graciously." And, with a bow, Trelane was gone.

Spock exhaled loudly. Then he faced the seven Kirks. "Gentlemen."

"I'm not going crazy," muttered the older, rotund man seated on the ledge of the fountain. "Denny Crane." He glowered at the rest of the men.

"You are not crazy, Mr. Crane, if that is your name," said Spock carefully. "You have been abducted, if I am not mistaken, but if I may be permitted to conduct my interviews quickly, it is probable that you will be returned to your respective locations without further annoyance. I apologize for the conduct of the General; he is not a friend of mine and I cannot condone his actions in bringing you here. I shall attempt to make this brief, but I assure you, it is necessary."

"Well, you can start with me," Denny Crane growled. "I wanna get out of here as soon as possible. The sun's making my tie fade." He and his bright pink satin tie stepped down from the fountain and walked off into the shade with Spock.

"What is your profession, Mr. Crane?" Spock asked.

"I'm the best damn civil attorney on the East Coast," Crane muttered. "Denny Crane."

"Really?" Spock's eyebrow rose at the unashamed arrogance.

"I've never lost a case."

"Then you must indeed be intelligent."

"I'm sharp as nails!" said Denny proudly. "What's this all about? U.S. government wants me to do some kinda undercover work?"

"Not exactly, Mr. Crane." This was not looking like a good prospect.

"I know!" Crane's face practically sparkled with triumph. "They want me to overthrow the goddamn liberal media!"

"Do you have a family, Mr. Crane?" Spock asked, changing the subject quickly.

Crane's face soured. "I have a son. Had a son. I don't know. He's not really my son. Isn't speaking to me right now."

Spock checked him off the list. He could not remove somebody from an unresolved family situation such as that one. He still longed for a satisfactory reconciliation with his own father.

"Thank you for your answers, Mr. Crane. You will be returned home as soon as General Trelane returns."

He left Crane back at the fountain and looked over the other candidates.

There was a man examining one of the statues who looked to be about the same age as Denny Crane. He wore a brightly-colored short sleeved shirt covered with cartoonish hibiscus, and his posture straightened when he saw Spock approaching. "This statue looks like Miss Minnesota from 1998!" he exclaimed conspiratorially. "And I would know! I knew her very well, if you know what I mean."

Spock examined the statue, which by the sheaf of wheat in the fold of its arm, was clearly a representation of either Virgo or Demeter. "She must have been an attractive woman," he commented. "What is your name?"

"Stan. Stan Fields." He held out his hand, but Spock merely nodded. He wasn't about to casually touch hands with any of these almost-Kirks.

"What is your profession?"

"Oh, you know..." Fields waved his hand around in the air. "A little bit of everything. These days they say I'm more famous for being me than anything else, although what that really boils down to is TV commercials and late night interviews. But once a year they let me host the Miss United States pageant, and that's really something..." His face became dreamy. "I have to tell you about Miss Texas. Her hair--a blossoming russet sunset! Her--"

"Miss Texas is a friend of yours?"

"Mary Jo is very special to me. She's one of the most exceptional women I've ever met." Fields was practically bouncing.

Spock was in no mood to remove a harmless, useless goofball from his young mistress, so he let Fields prattle on for approximately one more minute before returning him to his statue-ogling.

One of the men sidled up to him with a lazy gait. He wore a white suit and hat, and was only a few years older than the real Captain Kirk. His hair was a shade darker, and he wore his sideburns long. It shocked Spock to the core to hear a Southern accent thicker than Dr. McCoy's come out of his mouth. "William J. Baxter, of the Louisville Baxters, at your service." He smiled and tipped his hat. "Did I hear you were interviewing for a lucrative position?"

"I cannot reveal the nature of my inquiries," Spock said cagily. He sensed dishonesty about this man, but nothing that would threaten his bodily safety.

"I wish Wilma could see this place," said Baxter, looking around the tackily-landscaped garden. "She says when we get real rich, we're gonna..." Spock tuned him out and pretended to listen, scanning the other candidates visually. They all were as young as the Kirk he knew, possibly younger. He didn't want to waste any more time with Baxter--his accent was a definite no-sell.

The one who resembled his Kirk most closely was a young man dressed in a white coverall. Spock inferred it was a uniform of some kind. "What is your name, sir?"

"Michael Donfield," said the man with a smile. "What's this all about?"

"What is your profession, Mr. Donfield?"

"My wife and I own a small pest control agency," said Donfield. "I graduated from MIT, chemical engineering."

Spock's eyebrow rose. Intelligence. But he was married. He would not deprive anyone else of his right to a relationship that had not yet lasted its natural duration.

Just then, another one of the younger Kirk-clones stood up, his eyes rolling wildly. He shoved past Donfield, knocking him into Spock for a moment, and flung his hands around Spock's neck. "It's the devil! He's trying to take us all!"

Spock calmly lifted his hand and neck-pinched the poor man, then gently laid him to rest on the grass. He looked around at the other candidates.

"Wacko," commented Denny Crane. "Said his name was Bob Wilson. Kept babbling about airplanes."

"I assure you, I am not the devil," said Spock dryly to his unwanted audience, "although this is not the first time I have had to endure such prejudices."

"How'd your ears get like that, anyway?" asked a man in a police uniform, one to whom Spock had not yet spoken. He seemed to be slightly older than the man with the Southern accent, and the signs of middle-aged spread were beginning to show around his waist.

"I was born with them," Spock said cryptically. "I believe you are next, Officer."

"Hooker." The policeman approached Spock, and they walked a few paces away where they could talk quietly, away from Denny's loud bragging to the other men of his courtroom exploits.

"Is your profession that of police officer?" Spock asked.

Hooker nodded sharply. "Been on the force for--"

Both men looked to their side, where they'd suddenly realized that Donfield had appeared. He was hovering nervously, his boyishly innocent face twisted with anxiety. "Sorry to interrupt, but I was wondering if I could talk with you again, Mr....?"

Spock nodded sharply. "My name is Spock." He turned back to Officer Hooker. "Would you excuse me for a moment?"

"You got it." Hooker walked back to the group of men. Spock and Donfield watched him leave. Then Spock looked at Donfield expectantly.

"This is crazy," Donfield began. He took a deep breath. "You might be my last hope."

"Explain, Mr. Donfield."

Donfield's face was pained, and Spock pitied him heavily. He could tell that whatever Donfield was struggling to say took a great deal of effort and was causing him much distress. But eventually, he managed to get the words out. "I'm a homosexual, Mr. Spock."

Spock blinked. He listened intently.

Donfield was shaking his head. "This may make no sense, but you look very much like someone I like a great deal. I know you must be the same way--that man who brought us all here said we were replacement mates, didn't he? Well, I'm going to come right out and beg you right now--please pick me. I can't bear the secrecy anymore and I can't leave my wife and have her know what I am. It would cause her more pain than if I just--disappeared off to wherever this is."

Spock was touched by his fervent yet steady plea. "Mr. Donfield--"

"Michael, please."

"Michael, then. I must inform you that I have no intention of letting General Trelane keep my mate," Spock explained. "However, if you truly wish to leave behind your stifling lifestyle, I may have a proposal that would solve both our dilemmas."

Michael studied him intently. "What are you?"

"I am Spock," Spock replied simply. "I am also running out of time." He heard footsteps on the grass that sounded like the Squire's familiar strut.

"Well, Mr. Spock, have you made your choice?" Trelane had changed his coat again, but it was still jewel-toned, velvet, and ridiculous.

"Possibly," said Spock. "I require one more question."

"Certainly, my Vulcan friend."

Spock leaned closer to Michael's ear and whispered as softly and clearly as he could, "You could impersonate my captain and remain with this gentleman while we return to our lives. He is not human, but instead a powerful energy-being who has the potential to use his power for great good, if he is only taught proper values. I do not believe he will mistreat you. I will only enact this plan with your consent."

He withdrew his head.

Michael gazed at him, wide-eyed and silent. He looked Trelane over quickly, then cast a sad look back at Spock. Then he closed his eyes and nodded.

Trelane's eyes sparkled and he clapped his hands together. "Splendid!" With a whisk of his hand, the other not-Kirks disappeared, each to their respective worlds. "Then it's a marriage."

"I ask of you one final favor, General," said Spock cautiously. His plan hinged on this crucial factor.

"Anything for you, Mr. Spock. You have cooperated most admirably," Trelane beamed.

"I would like one final audience with Captain Kirk, so that I may bid him farewell," Spock said. "I would also like him to meet Mr. Donfield."

"As you wish," said Trelane with an assumed air of graciousness. He led them into the house, a tacky representation of an Italian villa.

Donfield and Kirk started when they saw each other. "He really does look just like me," Donfield murmured to Spock.

Spock didn't hear him. His entire attention was fixed on Kirk, who looked very happy to see him. "Spock!"

"He's come to say goodbye, Captain," said Trelane mockingly. "I'll leave you three alone for a moment. I'll come back to collect him in five minutes, so don't take too long." He strolled out into the hallway, and Spock quickly closed the door.

"Jim, you must undress as quickly as you can," said Spock hastily. "You, too, Michael."

"Michael?" Kirk asked, studying his double as he removed his boots. "Who's this?"

"Michael Donfield," Michael explained, undoing his own shoes as well. "Pest control."

"Spaceship captain," answered Kirk. "I think, anyway. What's going on, Spock?"

"This man is taking your place," Spock explained, trying to help Kirk undress. "He will stay with the Squire and pretend to be you. Hopefully his rational and sympathetic influence will instruct Trelane in the proper use of his awesome power."

"Sounds like a good deal for us, but what about him?" Kirk's shirt came off easily, as usual.

"He is unhappy living in his heterosexual marriage," Spock explained. "For him, this is a desirable alternative to living a lie."

"He's willingly going to live with Trelane?" Kirk asked in wonder. "He'll still be living a lie."

"He sees the potential for good in him. So do I," Spock added.

Spock did his best to keep Kirk from paying too much attention to his naked double as they swapped clothing, then helped him climb into the archaic mid-twentieth-century tight pants and short-sleeved button-down collared shirt. The white overalls of the pest control service fit easily over all of that. "Reminds me of the jumpsuits up in Sickbay," Kirk quipped.

"Served me well," Michael replied. "How do I look?" Kirk and Spock looked him over carefully. Kirk's command gold uniform fit him perfectly. Spock was glad to have prior knowledge of which was which, or he'd have started to doubt his identification.

"You look the part," said Kirk, smirking. He patted Michael on the upper arm. "Take care of yourself."

"Thank you, Captain," said Michael, his eyes going back to Spock wistfully. "Spock.... thank you."

Spock looked back at him. "Good luck, Mr. Donfield."

The door was flung wide open, and Trelane stood between the posts. "Well, gentlemen, time's up! Last kiss, Captain. I don't want to miss this. I love tragic farewells. They're so--romantic!" He was truly sickening.

Spock hoped Donfield would be able to tame him, for the sake of the universe.

Donfield breasted up to him, a light shining from his eyes. "Goodbye, Spock. I'll never forget you."

Spock put his arms around the stranger gingerly but with compassion, and lowered his head to meet Donfield's kiss.

He was a Vulcan, so luckily, Trelane wasn't expecting much. He definitely got what he wanted from Donfield, however. Michael poured all of his pent-up passion into that kiss, clinging to Spock with thirsty limbs. Spock wondered if he had never before actually kissed another man.

Finally they parted, and Spock left Donfield's side. He took Kirk's hand in his own, and faced Trelane. "We are ready, Trelane. Please send us to the Enterprise. I must return to my duties."

"Of course, Mr. Spock. A pity you couldn't stay longer. But then again, I can't wait to play with my lovely new toy!" He patted Donfield's cheek.

Without taking his attention off Donfield, Trelane waved his hand and both Spock and Kirk disappeared.

Back on the Enterprise again, in Spock's cabin, they rushed into each other's arms. Spock tried to talk, but Kirk was covering his face with so many kisses that he could barely string three words together. Spock squeezed him as tightly as was reasonably safe, then pushed him away slightly. "Are you uninjured?"

"He didn't touch me," said Kirk. "I think he wants to do things right this time."

"Stealing you is not what I would deem to be 'right'," Spock countered.

"He did try to make up for it," said Kirk with a grin. "Who was that Mr. Donfield again?"

Spock explained about the hapless young chemist. "He was the smartest of the men I interviewed," he concluded. "Nobody else could have impersonated a person of your quality."

Kirk beamed. "Why, thank you, Spock. I'm touched." He looked down at his clothing. "So this uniform is--?"

"Intended to protect him from the harmful effects of the chemicals he uses to attack household pests such as insects and rodents," Spock clarified.

"Doesn't look like it's very good protection." Kirk picked at the material. "A painter could wear this. Keep the paint off his clothes."

"Indeed he could," Spock began, but then he realized that Kirk was staring at him with an appealingly evil little smirk. "Painter?"

"Ensign Kirk reporting for duty, Commander. I'm here to paint your quarters." He shifted into the role easily, letting a slow, sweet smile creep across his face as he became the demure ensign who dared to attempt seduction of the First Officer.

Spock had definitely never seen a sexier painter.

"What color is now ordered by Starfleet regulation?" Spock asked with mock professional distance.

"My orders are to paint the walls a deep, chocolate brown," said Kirk, gazing into Spock's deep, chocolate brown eyes. "But if you prefer, since you're... the First Officer... I can be persuaded to let you have... green. Green," he continued, looking around the room and then at Spock's body, "all over."

"That would be acceptable, Ensign," said Spock, letting his reserve drop just the tiniest one percent, because he knew how much Kirk enjoyed the tease.

Kirk crossed the room to look at the wall where Spock had hung his collection of Vulcan antique weaponry. "These'll have to come down while I do my work," he said, reaching for one of the swords. He knew his hand would never reach the handle.

Sure enough, Spock approached him quickly from behind and intercepted his hand with one of his own. Both men froze, Kirk reveling in the fantasy of how unusual it was to touch a Vulcan so intimately as on the bare hand. He counted his pulse against the powerful, gentle force of Spock's hand on his.

Spock decided to surprise Kirk by taking the initiative. His other hand swept around to cup Kirk's ass. Kirk started at the unexpected touch, but then smiled and turned towards the Vulcan. "Mr. Spock," he said in a perfect imitation of the demure, "are you coming on to me?" His body language gave every indication that every breath was an invitation, every heartbeat an innuendo.

Spock pulled him closer and kissed him.

Kirk swallowed the kiss, and the ensuing embrace, with his entire body. He pressed himself up against Spock as hard as he could, molding their bodies together. The strange twentieth-century fabric of the white "painter" suit rustled novelly. Spock caressed Kirk's back and found the substance strange. "I'm sure you would be much more comfortable out of your uniform," Spock murmured into Kirk's ear before sticking his tongue into it.

"OOh!" Kirk moaned. "Yes, I--I believe I would." He ripped off the white coverall as fast as he could.

He now wore a tight pair of pants and a button-down collared shirt. Spock liked the combination. He decided to take him still clothed. Kirk was already hard as the deck itself, so it was a simple matter for Spock to to open Kirk's fly and pull his erection out of his pants.

Kirk throbbed at Spock's touch and humped his hand spasmodically. "Spock... I mean, Commander..."

"I will bring you such pleasure as to make you break your role, Ensign," Spock teased him--with a straight face, of course.

Then he pushed Kirk down onto his bed and lowered his mouth to Kirk's dick.

Kirk writhed and clutched at the sheets, then lay back and floated away into happy fellatio land. Spock's mouth was a wonderful place to be. He wished he could fit his entire body inside of it.

Spock was also playing with Kirk's balls through the tight material of the pants. He poked and fondled until Kirk's brain was pudding, reduced to gasping and sweating and mumbling incoherent sounds.

Spock decided that not enough of his body was in contact with Jim's, so he retreated from the blowjob and pulled Kirk's pants all the way down. He lunged up to Kirk's torso and carefully unbuttoned the top button on the crisp shirt. Kirk took over for him and began to slowly unbutton his shirt, keeping a sultry watch on Spock.

Spock watched hungrily as more and more of Jim's beautiful body became visible. He undressed himself as he watched, but he waited to pull his own shirt over his head until Jim had completed his strip-tease. Then he retrieved a small container of lubricant from its hiding place beside the bed and warmed it in his hand.

The lube was applied, and then Jim swung his legs nimbly around Spock's back. Spock positioned himself for entry. With his mouth close to Jim's ear so that Jim would feel his exhalation as he entered, he pushed his way inside. Jim's body tugged at him. Jim's mind did the same.

He melded them as he thrust in and out.

It wasn't long before Jim came, his exuberant penis spraying them both with fluid. "Look, Spock," he gasped, panting heavily. "I.... It looks... looks like I painted... after all."

Spock kissed his forehead and came deep inside him.

Kirk accepted the weight of the Vulcan bearing down on him and rubbed his back affectionately. "Hey, I wonder how my double is doing back there with General Trelane."

"Hopefully between Donfield's inexperience and Trelane's superficial half-understanding of nearly all Earth phenomenon, they will not make too many mistakes," Spock pondered.

"Are you sure he'll be okay? Trelane might get very angry when he finds out how you tricked him."

"That is a risk I was forced to take," said Spock, caressing the curve of Jim's face with one finger. "I will not lose you."

Jim smiled warmly. "And what about poor young Michael? What if Trelane gets mad at us, but hurts him?"

"Michael Donfield was on the verge of suicide. I could sense if from our brief physical contact. That is why I permitted him to stay with Trelane--he felt as if it were his only choice. My prediction would be that Trelane will eventually tire of him, and send him back to Earth," said Spock. "Even if he is sent back to exactly the time and place from which he was taken, he will be happier and have more confidence, now that he will have had his first significant homosexual experience."

"And maybe Trelane will just set him free in this universe, if Donfield can teach him to love and to get along with others," said Kirk. "He's smart. He might have to be retrained, but he'll be a lot happier." He licked Spock's chin. "Who knows--he may come after you! He seemed to like you a lot."

"He cannot have me," Spock answered. "There is only one choice for me."

"Then I'm the luckiest man in the galaxy."

"And I am the luckiest Vulcan."

Lips met, and life was good.

Hay L00k: it's a Star Wars party! EVERYONE is invited!

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 18:06:14 GMT

Friday night 7pm A New Hope & The Empire Strikes Back
accompanied by a burrito bar
Saturday night 7 pm Return of the Jedi & Spaceballs
accompanied by potato salad

Please come!

For those who are wondering why I've dropped off the universe - I got promoted. You have a week left to submit stories for the next Side by Side. I will also be updating my own website soon, but you've seen most of those K/S stories on this journal already. They've just been missing from cosmicduckling for months and months.

Sometimes I get scared I'll never live long enough to knit all of the yarn I own or the sweaters I want.

You should all go to Northwest Seafood and buy the fresh fish. It's very delicious.

Selling yarn

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 22:55:03 GMT

I'm putting this stuff on eBay in a week:
-6 skeins hot pink Superchunky Cashmerino $50
-12 skeins cantaloupe Plymouth alpaca worsted $50
-3 skeins hot pink Plymouth alpaca worsted $15

$7 for Priority Mail shipping on the top two; $4 shipping Priority on the magenta alpaca. If you're local, ignore the shipping.

Project update

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 22:49:30 GMT

I have a whole bunch of K/S stories I need to add to my website. Some of them are new to the internet and some were on Side by Side; in any case, they all will be posted to LJ in good time.

Meanwhile, a knitting project update:

My orange Georgie has a completed back and a left front with ten inches on the needles. I'm using Wildflower dk.

My ivory Rib and Cable Cardigan (nicknamed Narwhal because the cables in that color remind me of their poky bit) has a completed left front. I'm using Uruguay dk, which is now called Peru dk.

The scarf for my uncle's birthday has used up one skein of chocolate wool-ease so far. I'm doing mistake rib on the cutest pair of handmade 13's.

I've got a single lime cashmere Fetching waiting for its mate, who is only a few rows old.

And, today, I cast on for a green sock for shatfat in knitpicks Essential.

my icon is SO PERFECT for this story :P NEW KIRK/SPOCK!!

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 20:52:26 GMT

OK, so I got this in a comment this morning:

So here's another story. :P Now gimme back my cat!

Title: Spilt on the Silt
Pairing: K/S
Warning: This story is an AU and ADULT and has to do with PON FARR and a BAD sense of HUMOR on the part of the NUT who wrote it.
Beta-read by saavant.
Summary: Spock takes Jim during the Amok Time combat scene. Right there in the dirt. Written for shatfat--aren't they all?

The sand on Vulcan should more appropriately be labeled 'silt', because it is finer than sand and consequently exhibits the tendency to form clouds that get up your nose when you're wrestling with your best friend in a fight to the death.

Poor Captain Kirk! "Kill Spock? That's not what we came to Vulcan for," he'd said to the good doctor earlier, and he'd meant every word of it, even the badly-placed preposition at the end. He had no intention of ending Spock's life no matter how aggravating he was being at the moment.

However, as much as he loved Spock--he hadn't mention it because of his now comically erroneous belief in the Vulcan's asexuality--he wasn't about to capitulate and let himself be snuffed out. As usual when faced with a no-win situation, he was convinced there had to be a third alternative, and all he had to do in this case was stay alive long enough to think of it. Every defensive move, every punch, every throw--they merely existed to buy time for that brilliantly enterprising brain.

Any plan he concocted had to preserve Spock's honor. He couldn't run away, because the one with the ears the size of Olympus Mons would just come to take his place. T'Pring's real boyfriend was standing on the sidelines obviously itching to get involved.

What were Spock's honorable alternatives? Well, for one, he could kill Jim, but Jim wasn't crazy about that idea. He could be killed *by* Jim, but that was equally unappealing, and Jim found it unacceptable even if the Vulcans didn't. Sorry bastards--they didn't appreciate this wonderful creature they'd created.

(Now, if only the wonderful creature would stop strangling him! He couldn't breathe through his ears, for goodness sak--)

Ears.

There was a third way out. Of COURSE there was a third way out--he was Captain Kirk, wasn't he? Spock's honor would be preserved if he were to mate. That was, after all, the whole purpose of this ordeal, right?

Ears.

In the closeness borne of their terrible combat, Jim craned his neck closer to Spock's face. His eyes bulged and his face was nearly purple, but he strained nevertheless to reach one of Spock's ears. And when he did, he quickly snaked out his tongue and licked the pointed tip.

Spock froze. But only for a second. Then his body switched gears.

His hands left Jim's neck, leaving him gasping gratefully at his first clear lungful of air in many seconds. He also wrenched free of all of Jim's feeble attempts on his own neck. Then Spock flipped Jim over onto the sand--no, silt--and pinned him down.

Jim felt a hard and elongated mass introduce itself to the seat of his pants. Spock's lirpa was gone, but apparently he wasn't done flailing about with a large stick. Then Spock seized the waistband of Jim's pants and, in a spectacular move like a magician whipping away his cape to reveal that the vase of flowers was now a rabbit, tore them down part-way to expose the captain's rear end to the audience.

With his penis dripping from Vulcan natural lubricant like honey oozing from a dipper, he fell down upon his captive.

Jim, unable to hold back and really having no good reason to do so in the first place, jizzed his pants. Then he passed out.

Spock exploded into him a few moments later and then rolled off, exhausted, half-conscious. That other half soon slipped away and he fainted completely.

He awoke in Sickbay, back on the Enterprise, immediately aware of his deeds. His heart was leaden with shame. What had he done to his priceless, precious Jim?

Spock heard footsteps approaching and closed his eyes again. He wanted to see no one, and wondered if the stories of Vulcans who had been able to stop their own heartbeats in the past were of any validity.

"You awake yet?" It was Jim, and Jim was patting his hand lightly.

Spock opened his eyes reluctantly. "I can ask no forgiveness for my actions--"

"You don't have to," said Jim. "There's nothing to forgive."

"Rape is an offense punishable by court martial--"

"That's right, it is--but that wasn't rape."

Spock looked away. Every second he was allowed to look upon Jim was an undeserved delirium of beauty. "You are being needlessly generous."

"Not really. I can prove it."

Spock's brow lifted. This was unexpected. "Scientifically?"

"Physical evidence, Mister," said Kirk cheerfully.

"I am curious what you have to offer."

Jim had been holding something in his other hand. Now he passed it to Spock. "These are--were--my pants."

"I see," said Spock, compressing vast oceans of guilt into a tiny ball and swallowing whatever facial expressions they would have produced.

"I can prove it wasn't rape because I ejaculated before you did, Spock," said Kirk, with a tiny bit of smugness in his voice.

Spock studied the pants. They were covered in red silt. The back was ripped, and the front was--the front was soiled. With--protein.

"You found it arousing?"

"I would have preferred a mattress and a couple of pillows, but yes. It even made up for this." Jim scraped idly at his chest. He was wearing a new shirt, too.

Spock quickly recalculated his life. Jim's proof was hard to refute--so why continue to try? His pon farr was spent, his marriage unnecessary--to T'Pring, anyway. And he had entered a world in which Jim found sexual congress with him arousing. And had enjoyed it.

Or he had always existed in that world, but blindly.

"Do you refer to a specific mattress?" Spock asked, tentatively participating in what he believed to be 'flirting'.

"Not particularly, although I think Bones would be pretty irritated if we used the one in his quarters." Jim abandoned the stained uniform pants on Spock's lap and boldly took both of his hands. "Spock. I'm not just talking about sex, but I think you already know that."

"I do, but illogically, I find that I relish the declaration. I do wish you to know--I care for you deeply and if I ever, EVER hurt you again I fear I shall hurt myself twice as much immediately."

"I'll try not to let you step on my feet if we go dancing. Really, I'm fine!"

"I am not speaking flippantly." Spock studied Jim's body in cautious disbelief. "You do not suffer from any ill effects of the combat?"

"Bones numbed the thing on my chest, if that's what you mean."

"And your--your anus?"

Jim grinned. "Just a little well-fucked--thanks to your biology, your... male lubrication. No wonder your species is obsessed with logic. Even your penises are logical!"

And Spock was happy to be alive.

//

Pretty girls made of pixels

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 14:54:11 GMT

This is a long post inspired by the fact that glimmerite wanted to hear about the anime I've been watching lately. I'm going to start off with irrelevance: a quote from Rita Mae Brown, who dumped the Fried Green Tomatoes author for being too closeted.

“What's the point of being a lesbian if a woman is going to look and act like an imitation man?”

You know, I was thinking of reading her books, but that is just so damned irritating. I would love to catch her drinking a Diet Coke, or maybe a Veggie Burger. And anyway butches are more than just fake Prada backpacks. (Yes, leiabelle, I love my Prada backpack. ~_^) Even Wendy's lets you pick your sides nowadays. You can get a bacon cheeseburger with a mandarin orange cup and Caesar salad--what lovely balance! So why can't one choose a tuxedo and tits? (I like to sum up as just whining that women smell different. I honestly think I'd have a hard time with an MtF.)

Oh, well. So now, on to the anime.

Within this post I describe, as spoiler-free as possible:
Neon Genesis Evangelion
Excel Saga
Read or Die (both the OVA and the TV series)
Kannazuki no Miko
Strawberry Panic
Revolutionary Girl Utena (movie only; haven't seen the series yet)

kirkspocklovers will probably want to bookmark this post. Just a heads-up.

Neon Genesis Evangelion
Format: 26 episodes followed by two sort of overlapping movies.

This anime isn't on the list because of any kind of yuri (lesbian) content, but because it's FREAKING AWESOME (although very dark.) (Well, it's not entirely dyke-free, but the dyke is a minor character and you only find out about her through brief mention of a crush way at the end. It's not important. Although I am glad we "get" to be part of that universe.)

You have to know something is just fantastic as all get-out if it's dark, angsty, nihilistic, apocalyptic, and eventually incomprehensible and Farfalla still likes it. Part of what makes it wonderful is the storytelling and the script. The characters are also really neat. The music is fantastic, too. The first ten episodes or so are sort of episodic with a slight arc (enough of an arc that you shouldn't watch out of order but enough of an episode that you feel satisfied at the end of many of them, without having to go on THAT MINUTE). Then, after that, the mood shifts and it gets more exciting, more dark, more disturbing, more emotionally impacting... etc. Haha. I said 'impact.' (You'll get it when you watch.)

It's about teenagers but it's really a story for adults. Just because something's about kids doesn't mean it's for kids. You'll see what I mean at the beginning of one of the movies. Zomg.

The one slightly frustrating thing about it is that the ending is kind of ambiguous and everyone I know reads it differently.

EXCEL SAGA
Format: 26 episodes, but I've only seen five of the six discs.

This anime is a crackfic comedy in which every episode is done in a different anime style--a sports anime, a dating video game, a wartime anime, and yes, even a girl-on-girl episode (even though there's a LOT of fourth-wall breaking and the characters are kind of paired arbitrarily and clearly to amuse the audience.) There are two beautiful girls who live together but one of them is ridiculously hung up on their boss, who is trying to take over the world, so whatever yuri content there is, is mostly there to be an audience-attracting subtext.

This. Is. Crackfic. I repeat! Completely bizarre and hilarious. Also, the director made himself a character and runs around with an Afro in a red suit and yellow tie. But it does have a real plot and after watching Evangelion, it'll help clear your mental sinuses bigtime.

Read or Die
Format: A movie (split into three half-hour segments) followed by 26 episodes.

This is a textbook example of this thing that's really common in anime in which there are female friendships that are VERY slashy and they act exactly like a couple but there aren't any lip-to-lip kisses and every once in a while--say, every six episodes or so--someone will mention that it's "not like that". They have television censorship over there, so they try to get the appeal of a hot and emotional relationship without having to say it outright. The movie doesn't contain any of those disclaimers but the TV show does--all you have to do is ignore them because the actions of the characters speak louder than the disclaimers do. (Nevertheless, they're annoying and that's why I fell so hard for Strawberry Panic.)

The basic premise of the show is secret agents who have "power" over paper (the way Magneto has power over metal) who really, really, really love books and reading. The movie is exciting and reminded me of James Bond crossed with Belle from Disney's Beauty and the Beast. The TV series starts out episodic and lighthearted but then, like Eva and much of the other anime I've seen, gets darker in the second half. Let me reassure you that it has a happy ending, but there's a lot of suspense before it gets there.

There are a lot of emotional female friendships and a lot of suspenseful secret agent adventure stuff. And it's definitely worth a viewing.

KANNAZUKI NO MIKO
Format: 13 episodes. Easy to watch on YouTube except for a missing rape scene.

This one is yuri that doesn't hide itself, but it's also VERY freaking angsty. While it's dark, it's very romantic. There is a love triangle (one of the girls has a boyfriend) and a lot of what looks like one-sided love (but it's not). The mech (giant robots) battles were so boring for me that I used that time to read the YouTube comments (unlike Eva, where they were well-written and interesting), but the villains were neat--one of them is a chibi-neko catgirl in a nurse uniform who meows after all her lines. The "happy" ending is after the end credits of the entire series. Check it out if you want, but it wasn't for me. It just seemed sort of second-tier and the kind of thing that people would be fans of if they're already yuri fans, but for no other reason. In my opinion.

STRAWBERRY PANIC
Format: 26 episodes

You've heard me blather about this already--honest yuri, no "omg it's a GIRL!" or other people hatin' on them at all. Lesbian boarding school hidden in the trees, houses based on personality like in Harry Potter (there's a traditional one, an academic/sports one, and a sort of hippie one of sorts.) Angst based on love triangles and stuff. Interesting little plots, cute girls. Lots of eye-candy but it's all very healthy-feeling. There's even a heteronormative 'ship whose hair colors just HAPPEN to be the opposite of that very famous femme/butch anime couple, Haruka and Michiru (the butch has the teal hair and the femme is blonde, this time around :P )

Quite possibly the first honest uncloseted happy yuri endinged anime TV-series.

The Hong Kong pirated subtitles are AWFUL.

SHOUJO KAKUMEI UTENA (REVOLUTIONARY GIRL UTENA)
There is a TV series but I haven't seen it. This is the movie.

A story about why high school sucks and it's great to escape from its boundaries and restrictions and live in the "real" (adult) world. Honest yuri, no closet, disturbing angsty stuff going on but happy (and sort of incomprehensible, but happy at least) ending.

There is a LOT of metaphor in this movie. You have to think about it with your AP English brain on.

There are also roses everywhere, which is cool.

la la la...

the internet is a series of boobs

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 23:56:46 GMT

For those wondering what I've been up to:

-Moving most of the contents of Parkside into Mt. Vernon for three weeks

-Writing my first K/S story in months (at a DQ in Clearwater and then finishing up at the infamous Mr. Souvlaki again in Tarpon Springs) for the ASCEM summer challenge. I guess you guys will get to see it soon. I still need to type it up. It's yet another movie-trilogy romance--in some ways, I'm more a fan of the K/S of those three movies than any other K/S canon.

-Finishing the back of my sport-weight tangerine cabled sweater, "Georgie" (by Sarah Dallas)

-Possibly being on the slug-crawl road to getting promoted

It's too hot here.

Me to my boss today, about taking food home: "I never take the expensive stuff, anyway. I mean, I've never taken a leek." **PAUSE** "Oh my God!"

After much laughter, I amended it to "...that Allium with which one makes vichysoise." Is it even an allium?

Oh, well. *spins imaginary leek and sings in Finnish*

If you don't want to get "caught" reading Harry Potter for some reason...

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 22:14:37 GMT

...you can always use these.

Hella funny. Thanks to Moon for the link.

Stuff and nonsense

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 23:23:59 GMT

I am so in love with Strawberry Panic that even the HOO DILLY CRAP Hong Kong bootleg subtitles can ruin it for me.

Here's to money down the drain and knowing what the first thing I'm going to do with my birthday money this October is. (Other than the usual frantic squirrelicious saving, that is.)

Also, reading an entire HP book without eating anything is not a good idea. I'm glad I'll never have the opportunity to do anything that stupid again. I've scrambled some eggs since then, but the headache persists. *waits for shatfat to get off work*

Gainesvillians, if you want my long straight plastic 9's for free, speak up NOW. (They're that Baleen brand with the weird extra-pointy tips.)

Spoilery comments on Deathly Hallows

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 19:35:41 GMT

1. I thought she did really well with the plot & the surprises. For once, it didn't feel like she was making up magic at the last minute to save the day--things tied together. That was really satisfying.

2. I KNEW ABOUT SNAPE/LILY FROM ALMOST DAY ONE OF ME BEING IN FANDOM haw haw. *snewpy dance* Which means I actually have a "I just thought it 'cos I like it" 'ship that actually went canon. In a very sweet way, honestly.

3. Too bad about the Lupins, but honestly, I'm more upset that Alfonso Cuaron made me care about Lupin in a totally irrelevant way than I would be about him dying as part of the plot. OK. He didn't make me. I guess I made myself. But I certainly had no perception of the puppyship at all before he got to me. I'm no longer peeved at JKR for not making Lupin/Tonks more believable (and less out of nowhere) but instead annoyed that I cared about an alternate-Lupin that isn't even accurate. It's complicated.

4. I'm glad the Big Three lived. Really glad. I didn't know how glad I'd be.

5. embledore, were you one giant human smile when Neville killed Nagini? I thought of you and said so out loud.

6. "How can I give a professor love?" I don't know, squirt, ask fandom. I think that epilogue was almost her laughing at fandom, of which I totally approve--we need to be able to laugh at ourselves :P

7. Fred, sad. OK.

8. This movie is going to be sweet.

9. I wonder if Hermione ever found her parents again?

I guess it's all up to shatfat to find me "good" wank to read, lol. I shall attempt to suppress my baser urges.

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 18:26:28 GMT

ha ha, it is no longer possible to spoil me :D

Spoiler Parody - please read

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 20:38:18 GMT

It would behoove you all to get a good giggle over this

There are no real spoilers there--well, not for HP, at least ;-) ;-) ;-)

Shaken

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 18:27:18 GMT

I knew this guy.

My head is a little numb.

I remember him as Candide. There's an ironic statement in there someplace, but I'm too inarticulate to phrase it.

"One day more...."

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 10:50:27 GMT

"...Another day, another destiny,
This neverending road to Gryffindor..."

OK, so during the credits after Order of the Phoenix leiabelle and I actually started singing the words from Les Mis, because dude--the music? Lawls. Tee.

I liked it. GoF is still my favorite so far but I liked it. I've only read the book once (sacrilege!) so I couldn't remember enough of it to care if they changed things (unless it was something major.) I really had fun. Had to put my sock away, though--never ssk in a darkened movie theater. Hoo dilly.

I almost typed lj-cut spoiler!!! Hahaha. That's what half of these cut tags are used for, anyway...

Anyhoo. Was a bit disappointed that the whole book of Remus and Sirius getting to live together for the last year of Sirius's life, after all that separation and agony, was reduced to their only closeness being getting to stand under a doorway together. They barely had any lines together at all--not that Lupin was in most of the movie anyway. But I'm Farfalla and I'm going to enjoy that doorway as much as I want. So there. Oy.

Doorway!

Also: more pissing people off--was it really necessary, scriptwriters, to have Snape use the word 'penetrate' in the occlumency lesson? For the love of GOD! OK, fine, you Snarry folks are all lucky and got a tittilating scene or two :-) I guess I'm trying to say I'm really happy for your sakes but now I have to think about it every time I watch that scene kind of figuring out whether the 1% of my mind that wants to enjoy it because it's Snape being sexy is going to drown in the 99% of my mind that wants to go eat pudding now (hehehe) because it's Snarry.

But I'm happy for your sakes.

Cults and citrus

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 04:01:51 GMT

I had gotten a weird little book in the mail from some kind of religious crackpot organization in Eustis, FL, exhorting the dangers of the supposed "Catholic/Jesuit illuminati conspiracy" etc. When I was hanging out with shatfat at work, I mentioned it to her. One of the stupidest parts of the pamphlet, although I didn't really look at it that closely, was the part where they claimed that Jesuits were posing as Jews in order to gain power--and they used Henry Kissinger as an example. This I know to be patently dumb because my Opa went to grade school with Henry Kissinger and they both come from what used to be the largest Jewish community in Germany. I said as much.

"You know," I commented in afterthought, "there's a kumquat and lime hybrid species called the limequat. One of the cultivar names is 'Eustis'." I remember reading about the Eustis limequat as a wee lass of ten. "So that must be all they have there in Eustis, FL--limequats and this cult."

"I wonder if the cult believes in limequats," said shatfat, "or if they think they're just kumquats posing as Jews."

Strawberry Panic: some more notes; some pros and cons

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 23:38:29 GMT

I know I've been babbling about this a bit to the point of boring you, but these things are journals, not entertain-o-blogs, right?

This may help you decide if this anime is right for you. I've hidden spoilers under the cut. After the spoilers is a large rant about the nature of happy lesbian endings in Japanese animation, and how this really goes against a tired meme in a good way.

PRO: There is nary a lick of homophobia, gay-related self-hatred, or any of that kind of thing. I guess that's why they're all off by themselves at ~~Hogwarts for Dykes~~ this exclusive boarding school on the hill "where men are forbidden", according to the manga (or so I hear.) That includes any sign that this is a temporary period in their lives or that they'll have to marry men later, with the exception of one supporting character. (It's been pointed out that the silhouette she has to "marry" could easily be just another butch--the series has two--but given the angsty nature of the scene it probably isn't that.)

CON: The show is incredibly silly at first. It does develop lots of real plotlines and the characters are all different from each other and interesting, but for the first few episodes the sugar+gay really does carry the thing. If that's not enough for you, you might have a hard time getting to the normal stuff. But it was enough for me. I needed me some pretty sugar after watching Neon Genesis Evangelion (aaagh! Rei!!!) and Kannazuki no Miko and Read or Die: TV all in a row. I mean, they're all wonderful for their own reasons, but dude--how many times can the world be reborn? Give me some titties. Speaking of which:

PRO: The girls in Strawberry Panic are gorgeous. They all have these wonderful perfectly-sized breasts, not too big as to be stupid, and there's plenty of fanservice (making out in the bathtub, holding hands every two seconds, etc.) And the fanservice doesn't feel dyksploitative, either--despite the fact that everyone on some random message forum claimed this series was "for men", I say to that--wtf???? If that was the original idea, then I must really congratulate Japanese men for liking stuff that's so sweet. Anything American involving lesbians "designed" to please a male audience is usually ridiculous and is offensively inaccurate enough to offend real lesbians to the point where any potential enjoyment is laid waste. But this--the girls are clearly not in love "to please the viewer"--it's to please each other and themselves!

PRO: I liked the music. It was classical, which fit the whole Catholic School thing. I don't know if I'd like it by itself, but it really fit well with the series. Speaking of Catholicism, it was more of a Mary-worship thing than real Catholicism, because Jesus didn't seem to exist :P

PRO: There were no stupid mechs.
PRO: There were no stupid mechs.
PRO: There were no stupid mechs.
Kannazuki no Miko had some enjoyable bits, like the catgirl villain and the psycho nun, and the kissing, of course, but the mech parts were so boring to me that I usually read the YouTube comments while they were playing. Now, the mech scenes in Eva are masterful, but that's not because they involve mechs. That's b/c they involve good writing.

Pro: The B-plot 'ship consists of a very traditionally "femme-butch" heteronormative couple, and after a very interesting series of Plot Devices and obstacles, they achieve happiness, a relationship, and sex in a barn. And they get to be the new homecoming king & queen together. (That's not what it's called in the series, but it's basically the same thing.)

Con: There was far too little fanservice of them as a 'ship. I would have enjoyed more pretty images; more on-screen kisses and hugs and whatnot. Most of the fanservicey kisses and hugs concentrated on the main character and her odd 'ship, speaking of which:

Con: The main characters winds up in the weirder of the two potential romances looming on her horizon, in a bizarre ending that was almost exactly like The Graduate--HOW many movies have borrowed that cliche? I mean, I know it shaped a generation, but I didn't realize that generation included Japan. Anyway, I've always been more of a fan of the best-friends-hooking-up relationship than the love-at-first-sight-barely-really-know-you-because-I'm-too-busy-drooling-when-we're-together relationship, which is why I write K/S. For that reason, I was gunning for Nagisa (the heroine) to wind up with her roommate, and not the overpowering homecoming queen. BUT:

PRO: The ending included beautiful kissing and hugging and lying on the grass with femmy hair spread out in all directions. It made it easier for me to deal with the pairing :P

It's been said that this series is really full of cliches, but I have to point something out. YURI WITH A HAPPY ENDING IS RARE. And yes, despite the fact that Tamao gets "jilted" at the homecoming competition thing and Miyuki has to go off any marry some unrevealed silhouette after graduation, it's got a mostly happy ending--the main character and her weird-ass girlfriend finally declare their love and go make out in the grass, the heteronormative couple gets elected king & queen of homecoming (and wind up together, which is rare enough in itself in lesbian anime), and even the two conniving bitches get back together after breaking up for about four episodes.

All in all, my point is that lesbians wind up together in relationships without anyone dying in the last two episodes. And this is relatively rare for yuri. So rare that in the youtube comments, people were speculating that of course the series wasn't going to end happily, because "the only yuri that ends happily is Kannazuko no Miko." Well, to give you an idea of how tragic the yuri genre is usually skewed, that particular series only ends happily AFTER THE FRIGGIN END CREDITS, when the girl who died finally gets reincarnated. "And we fall in love again," says the last subtitle. Why, thank you, Anime World--after seeing all the shit they went through--and it was horrible, let me tell you--I didn't even get to see them kiss as they reunite? Just a hug from a bird's eye view? No montage of the next several months of their life? Nothing? ARGH! I hate h/c without the C!!!!!!

Anyway, that's a "happy" yuri ending????

That's why Strawberry Panic really captured my attention. It doesn't fall prey to that. It almost makes it seem like a miracle to me.

I wonder if somebody heard my whining.

Yarn for yuri

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 23:54:16 GMT

http://community.livejournal.com/knitswap/355936.html

Just wanted to let you guys know that I'm officially trading ten skeins of wine-ish merino-alpaca-silk for whoever wants to buy me the complete series of Strawberry Panic (link is to the first half; link to the second half is on the first half.) It's about $41 including shipping and that's exactly what WEBS is charging for the yarn--on closeout--and without shipping. So, yeah.

And this is a fantastic yarn, too. I just fell completely out of love with the color. It's not bright enough for me. Go figure.